I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
