You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
