sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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