Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
