You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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