No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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