Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
