i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
