I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
