So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
