Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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