This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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