Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
