You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
