Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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