The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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