dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
