Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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