yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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