at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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