Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
