After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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