Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
