so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
