are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
