did you get engaged???
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
