Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
