Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i've created a new STD.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
