Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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