physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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