dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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