Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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