I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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