she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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