I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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