Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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