i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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