he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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