you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
