I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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