Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
