Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
nutella sex= disaster
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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