A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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