I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
