Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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