Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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