I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
