i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
