my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
