I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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