Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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